Scarlet Liquid, Dark Ink

Sometimes I wonder

2012-01-26T11:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder,

How did I get through life without you.

Its frightening and heartwarming,

To know that there's a person,

Who is there all the time for you.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why did God bring you at this time.

Its painful and soothing,

To know that there's a person,

Who builds me up.

Sometimes I wonder,

In this time,

I should just enjoy this chase,

Or I should be reserved about it?

Its hard to decide.

Sometimes I wonder,

That how come this feels so right,

There's no uneasy alarm,

Makes me think,

Should I be alarmed?

But its just sometimes,

When I am really afraid,

I'll wonder about it,

And put it up to God.

But I know everything will be fine.

I didn't/I know

2012-01-22T10:53:00.002+08:00

I didn't know,

That life could be this enriching,

Simply with the presence

Of another person.

I didn't know,

That a moment could stretch to an eternity,

Just because,

You were there.

I didn't know,

That hours could never be enough,

When we are looking

Into each other's eyes.

I didn't know,

That feeling is so special,

It makes me shy,

To know that you cared.

Now I know,

The reasons why I never,

Able to get close,

To another person.

Now I know,

Why they say its special,

When its mutual,

'Cause I feel that way too.

Now I know,

More about what the poets call love

Its new,

But I am willing to try.

Now I know,

You are in front of me,

God willing,

Hold me close.

New Year Resolutions

2012-01-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

Hey~

I am 12 days late for this post! But still, its always late than never, right? Haha, looking back 2011 was pretty interesting.. a mixture of tentativeness to melancholy, from apprehension to happiness... Its really a wide range of emotions! But I am happy I've achieve what I set out to achieve last year, to be joyful!

Onwards to the new year~ Looks like its time for resolutions! This year holds more promises of excitement and sorrow, but I am not afraid (at least will do my best in putting everything to God)! I am really thankful for all the people in my life right now, I am on the way to the future~ I miss all my infocomm friends... especially all the sleeping on the stage.. haha, its really true that we wouldnt remember the academic stuff, but remember all the funny things we did...

Oh, before I forget... New Year Resolutions. I decide I would post it here so that I'll see it constantly and well, be reminded :)

1. Be more confident (No second guessing...)

2. Listen to less secular songs (Hmm, I am kind of losing interest in them.)

3. Attend youth more regularly (Its fun anyway)

Looks like it'll be a beautiful year... And with that my dear reader, I shall stop my rumblings and head to bed... Wait for the next prose-y post!

Cheers,

有些人

2012-01-09T19:15:00.011+08:00

有些人就像場雨，

結束之後才珍惜。

有些人就像濃霧，

從始至終抓不住。

有些人就像太陽，

從來不看見真心。

有些人就像月亮，

靜悄悄的愛著你。

有些人就像春天，

自然顯出花的鮮。

有些人就像夏天，

溫暖之中帶點甜。

有些人就像秋天，

楓葉掉落像思念。

有些人就像冬天，

讓人越來越懷念。

Lost friendship

2011-11-23T12:24:00.002+08:00

I look at your face,

Happiness flitted through those eyes,

I look at your arms,

That hold me closely.

Years have come and gone,

You have lost all immaturity,

Grew up,

And gained gracefulness.

I couldn't remember the last time

I have found and lost,

Those silent tears that fell

Softly undetected.

But we were no longer young,

Basking in that quiet innocence.

No longer the people that we used to be,

We could never return to those days.

Time passed,

Like a rushing river,

We've faced our own demons,

And overcame them.

You asked me,

Why am I sad,

When I should happy

To see you again.

I really want to tell you,

How much I want to rejoice,

But I refuse to cry,

Because everything is a lie.

The friendship that we once had,

Was lost in time and space,

I couldn't find it back again,

The easy camaraderie we once shared.

I suppose this is goodbye,

You were once important in my past.

I suppose you could say I gave up on you,

You are no longer in my future.

Random

2011-11-20T16:09:00.003+08:00

Feeling a little complicated today... Its hard to separate what I am feeling right now... Its like a swirling mesh of gray with a couple of blue specks... I am not particularly moody, but I feel kinda choked up.. Like something is going to happen, not a good feeling....

How do I say... its hard for me to illustrate clearly what this emotion is, I am sure theres only one... a combination of a few opposing feelings to form up this... Math is not right in this case. If being happy and depressed are at opposing ends of the scale, i am definitely not feeling neutral.

Either way, finals are coming.. And I am not exactly prepared for it. Oh well, I dont wanna study, but I dont know what to do either.. Absolutely frustrating.

2011-11-10T17:32:00.004+08:00

Its time for everything to end again,

Just when everything just started.

If life is a cycle,

Then mine must be an exception.

Since the beginning there's no end,

Only the renewal of hope.

My life is a choice,

Like everything else,

There's no one to place the blame.

If hope is expensive,

Then I am truly blessed.

From the end to infinity,

There is only God.

My hope in God,

Like everything else,

Is given by Him.

Its time for everything to begin again,

Just when everything ends.

2011-11-07T22:16:00.003+08:00

I am lying through my teeth,

When I couldn't show you my heart.

I could only give you,

What you wanted me to give you.

I am tired of this overwhelming hurt,

How can I ever get over it?

I could only try to cry,

When the rain falls.

I can't remember,

All the times I was sad.

Because I wanted,

I wanted to forget.

Even the love given and taken,

Were out of selfishness.

There were no unconditional,

Only the transactions.

I need to love,

And be loved back in return,

To feel the flow of love that heals,

That refills.

2011-10-31T21:57:00.002+08:00

你的微笑，

怎麼那麼苦澀？

在我記意里得溫柔，

怎麼不見了？

那天我們都懂得，

什麼是永遠，

原來，

只是美夢的幻覺。

你的眼睛變了，

怎麼把我忘了？

在殘酷寒冷中，

怎麼消失了？

昨天的快樂，

以經是個童話，

原來，

只是時間的謊話。

2011-10-24T22:35:00.002+08:00

To look into your eyes,

I am stunned speechless.

Its hard to think about anything else,

When I am standing next to you.

Why do I always fall from the ones,

That will never fall for me?

I feel so defenseless,

So vulnerable.

One word,

And it hurts.

I don't want to hear,

I just want to curl up and cry.

I know I am blubbering,

I don't care.

I just want to hide it all away,

And let it disappear into thin air.

Then it'll become the air that I breathe,

The rain that will fall,

The cries that I'll hear,

The pain that I'll bear.

I just want to say

2011-10-22T14:48:00.003+08:00

I just want to say,

That I no longer want to see your face.

Because that callous smile,

Takes my breath away.

I just want to say,

That I refused to be led astray.

Because everything you do,

Makes me want to close my eyes always.

I just want to say,

That you are the one I hate most,

Because I love you so much,

So much I hurt inside.

I just want to say,

That I can't forget you.

Because of those eyes,

They mesmerize me.

Self Denial

2011-09-27T22:14:00.002+08:00

Right in front of me,

Untouchable.

I can't take my eyes off,

Its just too cruel.

Knowing what but feeling that,

Are two things that will never overlap.

So real,

I can almost deceive myself.

A little closer,

Maybe it'll come true.

But how,

Since my identity is not that.

And why,

Must it be it?

Haven't fell,

Into the illusion.

Can feel,

The trap's closing in.

One day,

It'll collapse into itself.

Maybe,

Then I'll see myself.

2011-09-25T18:29:00.003+08:00

“There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

2011-09-17T21:27:00.002+08:00

hey,

I just have to unload... I am going crazy...

I can't concentrate this week!!!! I am just tired and emotional.. Maybe its just a wrong time to find out about a friend who I haven't meet for a long time.. I've lost all contact, but I wonder why I am only sad about it now....

NOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!! I think I'm just tired..

What emo means to me

2011-09-16T11:15:00.003+08:00

Emo is sadly misunderstood,

Represented by the 'emos' and 'punks'.

But emo is simply a way of life,

That some adopt and live by.

It meant empathy and emotions,

And everything in between.

To take a chance helping someone,

And getting hurt in the process.

I can't help but choose it,

For it is just me.

My emotions just ignored my mind,

Overruled my logic.

I don't wear black eyeliner,

Or wear leg warmers,

But I am still an emo,

And accept it wholeheartedly.

Emo

2011-09-16T11:09:00.002+08:00

Staring out of my window,

Dozing off into nothingness,

I start to withdraw into myself,

And sleep the day away.

The world is forever busy,

But my life isn't.

I love the silentness of night,

And the scent of my bed.

The night comforts me,

Lures me in the warmth.

It makes me relax,

And takes to wonderland.

I mediate on the wonders,

That I have seen and see.

Took the hand of faith,

And dreamt my night away.

2011-09-13T20:41:00.002+08:00

I am in the bright light,

Reaching out like a sunflower would.

Craning its head to seek the warmth of the sun,

Soaking up the pleasant heat.

Still I seek the darkest,

Where my comfort lies.

The dark covers my weaknesses,

Soothing my wounds.

I feel the quietness of my spirit,

Where it lays undisturbed.

It holds me to my wonderful Lord,

Who created the dark and the light.

Lord,

Watch my words,

For it doesn't matter how I feel

But how I say it..

Help me..

2011-08-18T21:02:00.002+08:00

Time flies really fast, I am now in university... Its not as simple as I thought, but its not that tough either... Still didn't really feel like I am in uni... I still feel as though I am in the experimental stage. We all can't wait to grow up, but when we finally aged, we start to look back. Wonder if its healthy.

Met a couple of friends from before, one secondary school friend and one JC friend that I never thought I'll see.. I think it feels funny, as well as happy to see them once again. Miss my JC friends, my wonderful infocomm friends.. Hopefully will meet them all soon.. Its been a long time.

I'll sign off here, I've got some things to do.. Will write soon!

Lots of Love,

Junting

2011-08-09T11:12:00.002+08:00

Lord,

Thank you for Your strength,

For You've brought me out of the darkness,

And into the light.

Lord,

Thank you for Your mercy,

For You've taken my weakness,

And gave me Your confidence.

I am sorry,

For looking only at myself,

Drowning myself in pity,

Till I am blinded.

Thank you,

For I was blinded,

But now I see..

The suffering of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

The people that fear for their lives,

The people that still believe.

The people that died,

The people that live for You.

Lord,

Keep them and take them,

Comfort them and shadow them,

With Your Hand.

For You are great and everlasting,

You, Lord, will protect your people..

Then they cry out,

You'll be there beside them,

Giving them Your peace..

To God

2011-05-05T09:54:00.003+08:00

God,
Help me lift my head to you.

God,
Help me lift my eyes to your face.

Things of this world is wearying me.
Conflict, strifle will surely follow.

In the end,
Only You,
Will triumph.
As I raise my eyes to see Your glory.

God,
Help me to pull my heart away from my desires.
God,
Help me seal my lips.

For I do not wish to stumble anyone,
I do not want anymore conflicts surrounding me.
Endlessly.

Only You,
Can fill this gaping hole in my heart.
Only You,
Fulfillment of my soul.

Money does not concern me,
For I know you will provide.
Those that cannot see your face,
They chase after worthless things.

What is wisdom,
Without the love of God.
What is faithfulness,
Without Your presence?

I know I am weak,
But You gave me your strength,
I know I am poor,
But You gave me your richness,
That surpasses all understanding.

I thank You, Lord,
For all I have,
For I have nothing.
Yet,
You were there all along.
Right in my heart.

2011-04-25T09:22:00.002+08:00

I wonder,
If the skies will always remain blue,
Just like the days in David's time,
When he wrote his psalms and played his harp.

I wonder,
If the sun will remain as bright,
Just like the days in Adam's life,
Where he spent his last hours in the Garden of Eden.

I wonder,
If the rainbow will remain as fascinating,
Just like the promise of God to Noah,
Where he lived while the world perished.

I wonder,
If the stars will remain as beautiful,
Just like the oaths of old,
When a man gives his heart to a woman.

I wonder,
If the moon will remain as pure,
Just like the beauty of the night,
As it stays inadulterated through the ages.

The beauty if nature is breathtaking,
But it never enough.
My Maker,
Don't just stop there,
I know,
That only you can fill this void in me,
The one that overwhelms me,
And makes me lose sight.

Lord,
Help me overcome this,
No matter how right it is,
If you do not wish it.
Help me,
For I am drowning
And I'm struggling to breathe.

2011-04-23T19:11:00.003+08:00

A tear slipped down her cheek,

Drawing a trail of loneliness.

Her heart was crying out for something,

No one could control.

A tiny crack appeared,

In the perfect facade.

Her mind was seeking fulfilment,

No one could satisfy.

A little cry let loose from her lips,

Too quiet to hear.

Her voice was lost from silence,

No one could notice.

A single thought rushed through her mind,

Unknown to others.

Her hand outstretched,

No one could understand.

But

She understood,

Every meaning behind the wait.

She is willing to wait on the Lord.

Every person that pass her by,

Is something to treasure.

That,

Is what she truly believes in.

That,

Is what she'd going to do.

Till,

She finds the one who's hers.

Self

2011-03-25T13:21:00.002+08:00

The very person,
The closest to our hearts,
The one that is more intimate than a lover,
The person who seeks to know us.

He made his life agenda,
To understand my heart.
He tries to unravel the mysteries my soul,
To claim perfect knowledge of myself.

How can I forgo him?
How can I refuse to listen
To the demands of my heart?
He seeks me,
Like no other.

I cannot deny his thirst,
To dissect my personality,
My morals,
My principles,
All that I stood and will stand for.

How will he see me?
I can spend an eternity,
Learning myself,
And not knowing anymore
Than I do now.

We can try to look inside of us,
See the strengths and the weaknesses,
And still say that we understand us,
But in the end,
We could only scratch the surface.

We are the only persons,
That can say that
We understand ourselves the best,
But not even ourselves
Can know what will change.

Only our Maker,
He knows us,
More than ourselves,
From the start of time...

Think Time

2011-03-24T14:30:00.002+08:00

Hey,

I just read some stuff off the internet about INFJ profile.. Seems like my personality went full circle, back to where I started. As I scrolled down the google searches, I realized that what I read was largely the same, they were revolving around the same point. Then I realized that it sounds like the virgo profile searches (but not as absurd as it).

Well, at least the myers-briggs personality theory has some basis in research, the horoscope ones are less reliable. How can our everyday life or our birthdate be defined by the movement of planets? It is almost as if our personality is being controlled by the stars and we cannot break out of what the planets dictate us to do...

Think Time

2011-03-21T14:09:00.002+08:00

Hey, its been a long time since I wrote anything here... Partly because I don't know what to write, partly because I am not sure if I should write what I really feel.. It's kind of complicated, seeing that the my diplomatic side and my blunt side warred so often that I just don't want to comply either of them.
Sometimes I feel that the truth is more important to being tactful, but I don't really want to hurt anyone.. But sometimes the person in question may not be able to sustain the impact, or appreciate the intentions behind the bluntness. However, I also feel that it is good to hold back the emotions involved (anger etc) and edit your words according to the person's EQ level. But I thought it just meaningless to beat about the bush as well as letting feelings get in the way.
It is really hard, sometimes, to look into the reality mirror and look at ourselves, flaws and all, and to appreciate the hard yet sincere truths people around us reflect. In the short run, it may be painful, but in the long time, I believe that it benefits us. Granted, there might be some comments that demean us, but hey, we learnt to get over things like that and emerge a stronger person, yes?

Sometimes

2010-12-30T17:20:00.002+08:00

Hey,
You know,
All the times,
The silence,
Was just too painful to bear.

So,
I decided,
To keep smiling,
Despite all,
The falling tears and the sorrows.

Hey,
I didn't,
Mean to hurt,
Your heart,
With my hurts and the scars.

I'll,
Just stay,
Smiling through everything,
The rain,
Winter and the endless icy winds.

Because,
I know,
You'll always be,
Right here,
For now and till the end.

2010-12-22T19:00:00.002+08:00

Once,

I didn't really understood the human compulsion to hide under a mask.

But,

I realized I knew it all along.

Its just that,

I refused to acknowledge the pain of the otherwise.

Once,

I didn't really understood the instinctive reaction to curb all our feelings.

But,

I realized I knew it all along.

Its just that,

I had to weather it through to feel the underlying reasons.

Once,

I didn't really understood the need to hide the intensity of my emotions.

But I realized I knew it all along.

Its just that,

I don't want to be known anymore.

Because the more I search myself,
The more I am unsure of who I really am,

Whom I truly like,

What trust is,

Why things happen the way they happened,

When everything fall apart,

And

How I lost myself.

Mini reflection

2010-12-08T13:23:00.003+08:00

One thing I realised after the prom is that I really never fit in the '09 batch well... Not the way I felt comfortable in the '08 batch of people... The people surrounding me are just... too different, riding on different wavelengths for a year tend to make a person feel insecure and lose sense of yourself..

It is kind of hard for me to pick myself up again, so many pieces lie in so many hidden places... I just loses track of everything.. To others and even my closest friends, it may seem like I have an inferior complex/lots of insecurities, but truthfully, I behave the way I do now is due to a lack of myself... I can't find my wavelength anymore, I don't know how to glue back the broken shards... Do give me some time to find who I am.....

To you

2010-10-15T07:10:00.003+08:00

Friendship is like a block of glass,

The stronger it is, the thicker it becomes.

It withstands the strongest winds and terrifying storms,

Yet,

It is fragile...

It breaks upon breaking as it drops to the ground,

Never to mend back,

No glue can piece together the broken shards,

No magic can heal the open wounds...

Why then,

Do we, the human beings,

Only see something precious,

Just before, before,

We lose them forever?

Why can't,

We learn how t0 hold them dear,

Treasure their worth?

I will miss you,

When this chapter of my life draws to an end,

You will be in my heart,

A precious friend that will never go away,

Amidst the taunts,

the teases,

the pain,

the humiliation

and

the fears.

You are like a younger sibling,

Someone I feel protectiveness for,

That needs to be cared for.

It might be demeaning to you,

But in my eyes,

You seemed alone,

Though you surround yourself with many.

Take care, wherever you are,

May the Lord blesses you,

And look over you,

In all ways.

Read at your own risk: A para load of hysterics

2010-09-25T20:19:00.003+08:00

I don't know what is wrong with me... I mean, I know what is wrong BUT.. It is something that I shouldn't be bothered about.. It is just a dream, and dreams strictly DO NOT come true... Then what I am bothered about??????? It is kind of stupid to have that kind of dream to make you sit up and take notice then don't come true... I keep telling myself to ignore it.. but... but... If it really comes true, then... I suppose it will come true..

Who am I kidding????? My emotions are on overdrive and if anyone attempt to do anything about it, I am really going to hit you, and hard! I hate those kind of dreams that makes you emo first thing in the morning... I hope my mask is holding up, at least around in class, all those expected expressions make me forget how good pouring out my feelings on someone really feel. I think I might consider venting them on mich. And seriously, I am kind of in a battle of COLD PRECISION vs EMOTIONS, and it is physically draining... just nice it has to be in the middle of preparation for A's.

Hopefully God gives me an answer by tmr, if not, I am jamming the entire load of them down the rubbish chute and solder the lid shut tight where it belongs and let COLD PRECISION win. Not that I am unfeeling, but hey, my A's are more important. I'll just sacrifice a weekend to slamming that particular door in my dream's face and freaking get on with life. Considering that COLD PRECISION states that just chuck aside all EMOTIONS and focus on studies, and I am determined to let it win. I order you, EMOTIONS, get back into my heart where you belong, and not appear until 30/11/2010. Do not attempt to stop me, if not....

I will make sure that you, the irritating dream, will not come true and I'll do my utmost best to escape from all potential situations.

Boooooooooooooooooooooooo!

2010-08-11T19:26:00.003+08:00

I just want to hide somewhere and not face the world... haha, that sounds emo... but I really crave the safety I have at home, where I know I'll be safe.... Maybe I am one of those teenagers/young adult who is still unable the world straight in the eye... preferring to observe the floor pattern. At this rate, I think I am going to be more than qualified to start a new never-seen-before career of identifying the place via the tiles. Tiles identifying competition more like it.....

Ok, I think I better get back to nuclear physics, but I got to admit, I am disappointed that there isn't anything to blow up in the physics lab... Imagine, we get to observe E=mc^2 in action.

Bye-bye!

2010-03-12T15:59:00.002+08:00

I really wish I haven't lost the ability to write.. or think for that matter..

My brain is jammed packed with a load of information, I am surprised that it didn't start bleeding internally due to information overload. Then again, the human brain has a astonishing capacity for rubbish. Assuming newspaper represents information and your brain is filled by lots and lots of it.. well, too much energy generated by the thinking process should produce enough energy to combust it, I think.

Imagine, a chemical process by the name:

Standard enthalpy change of combustion of information, given by the equation:

Thinking + Oxygen-> Carbon dioxide + Water + Ashes.

Interesting, isn't it?

I have no idea why rubbish is so fascinating, but I am formulating a theory about it. Maybe it can find its way into a scientific journal somehow, assuming that I get into university in the first place.

2010-02-09T07:03:00.000+08:00

Going to spend Valentine's Day with my family!

2010-01-15T06:52:00.001+08:00

Too stressed to comment on school.

2009-11-16T19:29:00.001+08:00

不安的心情又开始了。

2009-11-16T08:19:00.002+08:00

Close my eyes,
And wait for sleep to come.
Too bad,
My spirit is still low.
It warns,
More than enough.
My failures,
I've seen my weakness.
I believe,
Its time to change.

Promotional Exams

2009-10-22T07:09:00.002+08:00

Physics: E

General Paper: C(rounded up)

2009-10-20T20:27:00.001+08:00

(was actually hoping for grades that look like this:

{subject}: A

{subject}: B

{subject}: C

{subject}: D

{subject}: E

but unfortunately, no.)

Promotional Exams

2009-10-20T18:48:00.002+08:00

Got my results....

Chemistry: A

Economics: C

Mathematics: A

Tomorrow would bring the rest of my results (officially).. Its somewhat of a certainty that brings a little uncertainty that I will go up to JC2... But somehow it feels depressing. Maybe a passing feeling, but it sort of leeching on me right now, and I must admit, it is rather useful, to keep things in perspective. Making a decision right now, wondering and thinking about the suitability of staying where I am.

Maybe I should move on.

Maybe I should not.

Tough decision.

But all I am thinking right now is NOT my results.

Tired and sick..

Might be a psychological thing.

Oh well, will keep you readers updated soon, (most probably tomorrow) with the news of my results.

Cheerios! (always wondered why it is a parting phrase)

2009-10-16T20:12:00.001+08:00

utterly miserable.

2009-10-13T16:02:00.000+08:00

Wondering why my heart starts to beat so fast..?

2009-10-13T14:06:00.000+08:00

I am bored!

Anyone want to go k-boxing?

2009-10-13T14:03:00.000+08:00

Apprehensive mood...

Who knows when will hell break loose?

2009-10-13T13:32:00.002+08:00

Frustration from being cooped up at home, feeling nothing but irateness and lethargy. That coming from thinking about what is going to happen to my physics paper... I just CANNOT can't worry about it. Even my books hold no appeal to me......

Scarlet Rose

2009-09-17T06:49:00.002+08:00

Deep scarlet rose,
Frozen in time.
Seemingly Eternal.

By whose blood,
gave its brilliant hue?
By whose tears,
gave its glossy sheen?

His blood,
My tears.

His tears,
My sorrow.

Somewhere

2009-08-20T11:09:00.002+08:00

Memories are just a luxury,
That I rejected and hated.
Why, then why,
When it comes rushing back to me,
I feel entralled by it?

That kind of feeling,
Just held me in the past.
The joy,
and
The sorrow.

I can't say I miss them.
I can't say I don't miss them either.
Not here, not there,
Then
Where?

Random-ing

2009-08-19T10:45:00.003+08:00

I think studying is burning my brain cells at a extremely fast rate..
Not to mention energy.
Utterly amazing.
You just need to sit on a chair with a table, with your work in front of you,
You get to burn off energy.
Too bad it doesn't make you slimmer.
If not it can kill two irritating birds with one stone.

Burning....!
Whee~
Hyperness is drving me to the edge of collaspe-ing.
Too much energy burnt VS Too little energy to spare= -ve energy.
Energy< 0, will result in sickness which I could ill afford.
Lalala.... Looks like I need some artificial energy~
More coffee~
Therefore the equation is:
(Artificial Energy+Inate energy) - (Energy burnt from studying+Energy burnt from hyper-ing) = Energy used to sleep.
Hence, no externalities is generated from the consumption of energy and therefore, the law of Conservation of Energy holds.

2009-08-16T20:29:00.002+08:00

Why,

with just one word,

he can calm me?

Too bad he's not sticking around.

想对他说的我

2009-08-09T19:02:00.003+08:00

心啊，不是说好了，

放下哭泣，勇敢面对，

不再让人看见那些优伤？

心啊，不是说好了，

放下创伤，自己站着，

不再让人听见那些哭声？

我的身好想要一个依靠。。

一个可靠的肩，

让我歇一歇。

就在身旁的人，

看得见，我

摸不着，

好庆辛，又

好辛苦。

2009-08-01T16:12:00.001+08:00

I have never met your expectations, why should I meet them now?

30/07/09

2009-07-30T20:39:00.002+08:00

I don't know what feel right now.

Someone out there is studying hard,

Yet me here still don't want to care.

Guilty?

My mind says I should be.

My heart says I am not.

I have gone past the stage of fear,

And into the phase of nothingness.

Don't ask me what I mean,

Confused and utterly at peace with it.

Rain

2009-07-29T14:31:00.002+08:00

Rain, don't go,

You are my only faithful friend,

I don't want to let go.

Rain, don't stop.

You are the reflection of my heart,

I don't want to forget.

Rain, don't leave,

You are my constant companion,

I don't want to lose.

You gave me the comfort I needed,

To stay cool and calm,

Even thought the worst storm.

You gave me the logic I needed,

To stay level-headed,

Even though the toughest day.

You gave the strength that I needed,

To stay me,

Even though the mood-swinging moments.

I thank God for you.

A walk in the rain

2009-07-29T13:42:00.005+08:00

Look! Its raining,

Lets go,

For a walk.

My heart can't stop hammering,

In anticipation,

In fear.

Why can't I understand?

I asked,

Myself.

We walked into the rain,

Soaked,

Yet dry.

Sorrow met happiness,

Like,

Tears and rain.

You held my hand,

Kissed,

And left.

Alone at last,

My heart,

Finally started crying.

2009-07-26T18:07:00.000+08:00

I. .. Aún así lo amo.

2009-07-26T18:02:00.000+08:00

Hurt? I don't know what I am feeling.

2009-07-24T09:49:00.002+08:00

I think I addicted to facebook----just mousehunt and vampires and make me a celebrity and quizzes and flixster and...... and.....

Essay Questions

2009-07-23T16:13:00.002+08:00

2. The study of history is pointless because people never learn from mistakes. Comment.

3. Singapore is working towards being a mroe open society. Discuss the implications.

5. Artistic expression should never be restricted. Discuss.

Random thinking done in Physics Class.

2009-07-21T15:46:00.002+08:00

How can you say that I'm fake,
When everyone that surrounds me
Wear a mask?
A perfect facade,
With the pretty trimmings
Of propriety, politeness and pleasantry.
I can't feel their sincerity,.

You say that sincerity cannot
Gain anything at all.
But for me,
All I valued and needed
Is the one,
One authentic friend,
Whom I share everything I have.

I don't have to gain anything,
The things of the world are meaningless
(though at times necessary)
They can fill my wants,
But never my needs.
My yearn for the truth,
Rather than tact
And any other icing.

I write this because I really think
That the heart, mind, soul should be the same.
Why pretend when I liove the mind God gave me,
Tresure my heart He knitted,
Cherish the soul He guides?
I accept the love He'll give me,
My other half of the same whole.

No truth, Only perspectives

2009-07-21T15:34:00.002+08:00

Who is so presumptuous to say
"There is no truth, only perspectives"?
Who is so arrogant enough to proclaim
"Nothing is right or wrong, depending on how you see it"?
Because a wrong can become right,
And a right wrong,
The world is no longer safe.

The laws that sought to protect,
The rights that meant to defend,
Is no longer black and white,
But a mash of grey.
How can it protect
How can it defend
The weak and the helpless?

No longer the truth is given,
Only a jumble of opinions.
"It should be like this...
No, no, its the other way.."
Blamed on the interpretation,
But how can the truth be interpreted
In any way but the truth?

2009-07-21T09:14:00.001+08:00

Addicted to internet window shopping...!

I

2009-07-12T19:25:00.003+08:00

"He managed to say it with so much conviction.
I believe it is true."

Telling myself it doesn't matter,
Yeah, right,
In a few years time, maybe.
When I look back at this period of my life,
I'll probably laugh and say how naive I was.
Look at myself in the mirror and mock myself,
Haha, you were once a kid too.

But now is not a few years later,
It is now.
Embarrassed myself more than once,
With my less-than-controllable emotions.
Volatile like the sea during a storm,
Hurt and get hurt easily.
All I want to do now is cry,
Over myself.
I have grieved me,
And I have grieved over me.

I..,
.....

Somewhat Pissed Off

2009-07-12T19:18:00.002+08:00

What is wrong with me?
Nothing is out of ordinary,
Yet my heart felt so wrong,
Troubled,
Aching,
Like so out of place.

The irritating feeling
That wouldn't stop bugging me.
I can't sleep or eat in peace.
Am I sick...?
I am tired of being tired,
I'll rather be tired from doing something worthwhile.

I feel I am catching the air,
I know I am catching something,
But,
What is it???????????

2009-07-04T19:41:00.003+08:00

Not going to write any poem in this post... Not that there isn't any inspiration, but simply too lazy to type what is already written. Done a lot of reading lately, I still feel that it isn't enough.. Like something is not quite right with my life, and I have yet to figure out what. I just hope it isn't something nasty, like getting kicked out of school or something that gets me in trouble big time.

Just realized that I haven't been running for a month, and I wouldn't something as to hope that I'll get good grades on my 2.4km run.. Exams are over, and I am rather baffled by the exam standards this time round. General Paper and Chemistry were the killers. Economics would be what you called simple, that is if you remember what you studied.. which I forgot EVERYTHING... I can't blame it on stress, considering the fact that I gave up. I was feeling rather guilty after the paper. Mathematics and Physics were manageable, surprisingly, (at least for physics), I think I can pass the paper this time round.

Too much surprises and too little routine. A little overwhelming, but hey, I still up and about(ok, maybe not the about part). But I get tired easily nowadays... Should repair my specs soon.. I don't want to get sensory(vision) overload. I am thinking of getting out of the school Project Runway competition... and persuade Jimmy to back out too....

2009-06-23T17:09:00.003+08:00

Retreating into my own private world,
I found something like peace.
But I still felt bondage from studying,
I was never cut out for it.
God, help me,
My emotions are overwhelming me.
I can't think straight,
I just want to get away from this damn world.

I am truly tired,
Of all the stupid things I have to do.
I don't want to sit on my chair and table,
And face nothing but economics.
For truly,
I'll go crazy before the entire week ends.

I'll take a chance and skip the damn SA practice.
Ms Tan, is not personal,
But I can no longer stand it..
My mother is bad enough,
Don't start harping on me too.

Despair

2009-05-31T21:20:00.001+08:00

Have I lost everything?
What I have held dear to my heart,
Everything?
The structure of thought,
The structure of whatever i always wanted?

I am learning,
To trust you Lord.
But I don't know
If I am worthy of your love.
I had live the life of a run away son.
And return to your side.
Yet I feel the guilt running through me
Is this Lord, satan's handicraft?

Lord, help me.Help me to stick close to your side.
Leave me not, Lord.
Because I am ashamed of myself.
Terribly, very sick of myself.
The way i am living it,
As though nothing matters.

In Time

2009-05-31T20:55:00.003+08:00

There is so much to say,
But everytime I see you,
Everything fades away...

It doesn't matter what the future brings,
I live for the present.
It doesn't matter what you think of me(actually it does)
As long I don't annoy you.

In time,
All might fade,
But I am storing up memories,
To keep me up everyday.

In time,
All might get stronger,
I am keeping everything in my heart,
To tell you my true feelings.

Maybe, maybe,
You might leave,
Maybe, maybe,
I might go,
But I will always know,
That I love you once.
The kind of love that
A seventeen-going-on-eighteen girl can give.

Random post

2009-05-27T08:21:00.003+08:00

Confused,
Though not in a negative way,
Warm,
In a fuzzy place.

Every conversation is a understanding
Every quiet moment is a bonding.
The way I feel,
May not be the way he feels.
But again,
It might fade, in time.

Close (Friendship)

2009-05-25T19:35:00.002+08:00

No matter where I am,
I'll keep you in my heart,
Remembering that I have a dear friend,
Whatever the distance.

No matter where I am,
I'll constantly pray for you,
Knowing that you are safe and sound,
However my emotions.

No matter where I am,
I'll take you to account,
In every equation,
Wherever I stop to rest.

I want you to know,
You are precious to me,
I don't want you to be hurt,
Regardless of what I feel.

I want you to know,
Even when one day you leave me,
I'll remember every moment
Of our time together.

I want you to know,
The time we spent,
Every minute, every second,
Will be treasured.

Life and Death

2009-05-22T12:06:00.003+08:00

It was never easy for me to say no,
But that time came,
No other choice was left to me.
My life,
Her death?

No... no,
Its no longer about us,
Only you
Or me.
I chose you, your life,
More precious than mine.

I'll give up mine,
To redeem yours.
Such is the power of love,
Mother to daughter.
Understand my child.

If there's a choice,
I'll choose life, for the both of us.
But if one can't live without another
I am sorry my child,
The lost chance of being with you.

I heard a tune...

2009-05-21T11:12:00.003+08:00

It seems so far away, the soft tune ringing inside my head.
I tried to hold it close, but it slips away, laughing at my efforts.
It's making mischief, coming back whenever it wants to.
I doubt it will hurt me, but I wishes it will stay,
Till the day I found The One that will play it out loud.

My music lost its way, I lost my skill.
A loss of time, my piano left alone.
No uncertainty that I love music, life's a chore without it.
But I love to play with words, its my best playmate.
Even though music is my life.

The softest tune can get me humming, my toe starts tapping.
Life is more than pain, it is a story, with its ups and downs.
Likewise when I write my song, it will be with great joy.
All uncertainty and doubts, I give them up to the Lord,
For surely He will take them into His care.

I crave to write a song, a song of love and joy,
A song of pain and loss,
Of a life well-lived.
The tune still evades me, hoping it will come back soon.
Tuney-kid, come back to my heart, ok?

Cheesecake VS Chocolatecake!

2009-05-19T19:54:00.003+08:00

两者之间，你会选择谁？
我啊，真的很矛盾。。。

看着他那纯白的脸蛋，
或者是令一个惊喜？

下一个他也许会更温柔，
但对我可能不是最好的。。

2009-05-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

은밀한 사랑

10th May 2009

2009-05-10T20:12:00.002+08:00

Chocolate Indulgence!!
Have lots of chocolate today!
Maybe thats why I am so hyper tonight...
Went with Zhi Xin, Yi Xin and Zoeleen...
Clarence, if you are reading this, don't be jealous!!!!!

Had lots and lots and lots of chocolate intake...
And not planning to cut down.=P
Oh well, I am doing PE for a reason anyway.. ^_^

For someone

2009-05-03T20:13:00.003+08:00

I feel his pain,
I weep at his frustration.
No longer me,
But everything you.

Do you know?
Sometimes i feel
As though you know my heart,
Yet silently stood beside me.

No words said,
But I am aware of you.
Is that an illusion,
Remains of a girlish fantasy?

I want nothing else,
But for you to heal.
Give up all the pain,
And lose yourself in bliss.

Because I can't bear
To see sadness
That stains your soul,
And smear your beautiful eyes.

I don't need an answer
Because you are always there.
The slightest word,
It comforts me.

The smallest smile,
Brings me through the toughest day.
The sound of your voice,
Anchors me to sanity.

At least,
Let me be the one,
Praying for you, because,
Thats the only I can do for you.

Mid-term check so far.

2009-04-29T20:01:00.004+08:00

Physics- G.G
Chemistry- A little hope of getting A.
Economics- Getting there...(I hope)
Mathematics- P(X>70)>0.9
(Let X=r.v marks that I'll get for binomial distribution test)
(X~B(n,p))

2009-04-29T20:00:00.000+08:00

Mugfest is starting!
Anyone interested to join?

Eyes

2009-04-22T16:17:00.001+08:00

Tired.
Painful.

I can't take it no longer.
It hurts so much..
I can't feel it any more.
It is so tired..

To Shu Min

2009-04-17T19:47:00.003+08:00

Heard your cries,
Even when you smile.
Felt your tears,
As you laugh.
Know your pain,
Though you cared.
Understand your emotions,
That you try to hide.

Shu Min,
There's nothing wrong,
If there's nothing between
You and him.

It is nothing,
But a fleeting feeling.
That like,
Mistaken for love.....
Causes you naught but pain.

Dear sister,
It is okay to give up,
On this relationship
That's not meant to last..

You might like him
More than a friend,
But I don't think
That's love.

I don't want
To see you
Hurt and wounded
By that sorry excuse of a guy.
(Sorry if I am being harsh, but if he hurt your feelings, then he is a jerk.)

Gather your courage..
And do what you think is right.

想

2009-04-12T19:08:00.004+08:00

我还是喜欢你，
无法忘记你的脸。

你在那里对着她，
温暖了我的心。

好难得喔，
可以看见你的笑。

你知道吗？
知道我见到你，
都好害羞。
但会从另一边
偷偷地看着你的背影。

你真的好奇怪。。。

Something happened today

2009-04-07T20:17:00.004+08:00

A very rare event just happened that I decided to blog about it.... It was kind of funny and depressing.... Today was raining during PE, we left our bags next to the PE lockers. Then it started to rain. We thought nothing much will happen but we were wrong.. Actually, VERY WRONG!!!! My bag was in the middle of a puddle!! My precious notes! and my poor tutorials were soaked... my poor dears. I fished it out of the puddle and immediately went to the nearest chair an start pulling out my notes.... ALL PAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were DRIPPING.... imagine how wet they were!!!! Hope they arent suffering from a cold... Lol... I was laughing and emo-ing at the same time... I forst thought of pegging them on my mother's washing line to dry, but she said that the service area dont have enough sun, so I put it under the fan... then i started to hairdry some of my notes... Lucky I used ball point pen to write on majority of the notes...

心里所想

2009-04-05T18:56:00.002+08:00

真心喜欢你，
但不能演饰
我的不成熟。

无法了解
你的世界，
无法体谅
你的生活。

夜深了
心冷了，
我想起
你的笑。

安静，
温柔，
可爱，
细心。

这是我无法忘记的。

Purpose of living

2009-04-02T11:01:00.003+08:00

17 years.
6209.25 days.
149022 hours.
8941320 minutes.
536479200 seconds.

Wasted so much time.
Not yet understanding life.
What is My Purpose For Living?

Wonderings

2009-04-02T10:48:00.003+08:00

That rose..
The one that was created by blood.

That beauty..
The one that was created by pain.

That happiness..
The one that was created by tears.

That love..
The one that was created by death.

Greeted by Dark at the end..
Chanced with Life from the beginning.
Gambled against Sad throughout..
Fought by Black all the way.

Replace.
Not co-exist.

Die,
Not live.

Change,
Not with.

Fear,
Not faith.

Writing when you have no idea,
How you are feeling...

I can't take of this mask.
I already lost all senses.
I don't want to lose this too.

But, I can't pretend anymore.
But, I don't want to feel.
But, I am suffering from indifference.
But, I have lost my pain.

No longer knows anything,
No longer hopes for care.
No longer wants love..
Only pain
Only loss
Only death.

Thoughts That I Want The Reader To Know.

2009-04-01T16:10:00.004+08:00

Masking my emotions,
With a veil of laughter.
Hiding my pain,
With a cloud of delusion.
Denying my thoughts,
With a haze of indifference.
Stalling my tiredness,
With a burst of liveliness.

Don't pretend to know me,
I no longer understand myself.
All I have known has disappeared,
Leaving confusion in their wake.

Don't pretend to know me,
I no longer aware of my heart.
All I have loved has tumbled together,
Leaving a swirling mass of grey.

Don't pretend to know me,
I no longer fear the inevitable.
All I have wanted I have lost.
Leaving only emptiness inside.

Don't pretend you know me,
I no longer able to question.
All I have embraced I have let it go,
Leaving only darkness within.

I am not me.
I can now use laughter
To become her.
The girl that protects me.
From my wounds.
Who knows,
Laughter can become
So strong a weapon?

I am not me.
No longer.
She is so much stronger,
Tougher.
It is just so ironic isn't it?
Only when I am not myself,
Then I can be stronger...
Simply complex.

Don't ask me questions
I can't answer..
Don't ask me to say,
The things I keep within myself.
Don't ask me feelings,
I have no desire to examine..
Don't ask.

J'aime votre sourire

2009-03-23T20:38:00.002+08:00

J'aime votre sourire
I always wanted to tell you.
It always came out wrong.
Your smile is the gentle balm
That calms my soul
And claimed my heart.
For how long,
How long...

Since that night,
I can't forget that smile,
So happy and beautiful.
Yet since that night,
I never saw it again,
At least,
It wasn't that anymore..

That beautiful smile that could charm,
The coldest of hearts....
I truly love that smile.

Madness

2009-03-10T20:38:00.004+08:00

A little madness.
Tearing the delicate curtains,
Shoving the stack of books
Off the piano,

Nobody saw through my heart
They don't know what I want.
My heart, what I have always desired...

Erratic heartbeat..
A tiny bit of craziness
I feel like giving up my control,
Throwing away my sanity.

Who saw through this mask,
This pathetic, disgusting facade
I feel sick...

Cinderella

2009-03-04T15:40:00.004+08:00

I am back at the beginning;
'Once upon a time,
There was a handsome prince,
Searching for a beautiful lady to marry.'

I can't believe
'Life dealt its cards,
And Cinderella had to do all the housework,
Before she could go to the ball.'

I admit its true though,
'She had no pretty gowns to wear,
No silk slippers on her feet,
And no glittering jewels in her hair.'

I don't want everything to end,
'Cinderella tried to come up with something,
But she couldn't find anything.
So in despair, she sank to the ground.'

I am crying tears of blood,
'As soon as the tears touch the ground,
A fairy godmother appears,
Giving Cinderella all she needs.'

I felt a momentary happiness when he appeared,
' "But you must be back when the clock strikes twelve,
Everything would return to the original state.
And you will be what you used to be." '

But everything is just a dream,
'Happily dancing with the handsome prince,
Her stepmother and stepsisters saw her,
But they didn't recognise her.'

It came to an end,
'Ding Dong..., the clock strikes twelve,
Cinderella ran out leaving a glass shoe,
A little too late; everything changed.'

It stops here,
'The prince found Cinderella,
He slipped the glass slipper onto her feet,
And they live happily ever after.'

------------------------------------End of Story----------------------------------------

Hurt

2009-02-20T20:45:00.003+08:00

Like a cry that gushes from my throat,
A deep gash that can never fully heal,
That was the pain you gave me,
When I found out I was dispensable.

Like a bridge game, as your chosen partner,
I knew everything,
Your facade, your lies, your weakness for power.
I saw through them, and hated deeply.

Tried to wash out that feeling,
But I can't.
I am too weak to overcome my emotions,
Deep as they are.

I wanted to scream..
"WHY?"
Why did you change in a matter of days,
Because of.....?

Truth

2009-02-15T18:35:00.002+08:00

I stared at the rose he gave,
And thought of the other.
The one that stole my heart,
And never returned it.

He told me once,
He like me well enough.
But not well enough,
To be with me.

To tell you the truth,
I am confused.
Though on my lips I denied it,
Yet my heart feels the pain.

I wish I had the strength
To face him in the face,
Still I chose to run away,
From him, my heart.

Superficial

2009-02-13T16:13:00.002+08:00

Superficial,
Superficial..
I feel so alone.
Superficial, why did you steal all my friends?
This insecure emotion,
I got over it long ago
Why did it come again?
Why do you have to slip through my door,
And stay?

Wants

2009-02-13T11:06:00.003+08:00

I want my penknife,
It gives me comfort..
The cold blade keeps me warm
Its danger keeps me alert.

I want my penknife,
It gives me responsibility..
The hilt gives me power
It holds boredom at bay.

I want my penknife,
I gives me strength..
The sharp tip cutting edge
It gives, and receives.

Melancholy

2009-02-07T15:20:00.003+08:00

Soft melody drifted through
From the curtains.
Melancholy fills the dark.
Sadness coloured the tune.

I stared into the distance.
Someone, somewhere,
Sitting on the piano bench,
Touching the ivory keys,
Is crying, is crying..

Playing the tune of life,
Is like playing a piece
That hates and tortures.
Playing the tune of sorrow,
Is like playing a piece
That scorns and despises..

-Darkness enveloped my music,
It claimed my soul.-

Only like-minded people
Understands my sorrow,
Knows the depth of my pain
Like the transition of light to dark
Similar to the surrender of the day.
I long for the comfort of the night,
Where solace dwells.

Once grasp the chance at light,
But it was too bright.
It burnt my skin,
Hurt my pride.
Destroyed my self,
Confused my mind.
It was just not 'me'
Too just-a-facade.

Deep, dark.
Mysterious, mystical.
Enticing, enchanting.
Shadows..
Almost clear.
Ironic pleasures,
The one that tires me,
Brings me joy
And reality.
Oh, how can I forgo it?

Boredom

2009-02-03T19:43:00.002+08:00

The kind of boredom
That hovered on danger.

Looked at the sharp blade.
Heart thundered.
Hands quivered.
Resolve wavered.

Light caught on blade.
Closed my eyes.
Steadied my hand.
Waited for the pain,

To come.

2009-01-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

I give up.

Changed

2009-01-07T22:16:00.003+08:00

In a life of despair,
What can I do?
Closing my eyes,
I can only see grey.
Swirling mass
Of everything discarded
Unwanted.
Pushed aside.
Thrown away.

What should I do,
When faced
A future of hopelessness?
Should not I face it
With courage?
Without tears?
Isn't this what you taught me?
Hold back your emotions,
Never burden others with
Your useless feelings?
Then why do you still
Expect me to cry
When I stare it in the face?

I am confused.
I am confused.
What do I need to do then?
Should I cry?
Should I be worried?
Should I be despaired?
Just because I failed?
I will not,
I will not.
Or are you simply amazed
That I can change overnight?

It was your delusion.
I have changed,
Over the years,
To not show anything
That I don't want anyone to know.
I am no longer the naive 13 year old girl
Who don't know anything
About this world.
My emotions,
Would no longer be worn on my sleeve,
Exposed to attacks.

I am no longer
The person I used
To be.

How to put my feelings on paper?

2009-01-03T22:18:00.003+08:00

How to put my feelings on paper?

Too much emotions swirling in my head

Until I can't discern

How i long for your return

So i can tell you my burdens Piling

Help me to unload them one by one..

Tried to sort through my memory

I know I know

Every blessing I received from God.

My intellect tells me

I should give thanks

But my heart feels empty

I don't know why

All I feel is a blank

That needs an answer.

Music

2008-12-23T13:52:00.002+08:00

If love fills a person's empty heart,
Music is food for the barren soul.

If laughter thaws a frozen heart,
Melody heals the deepest wounds.

I love the delicate notes running up the staves,
A story frozen on paper.
Let the person playing it have tremendous respect,
For each unique tale it has to tell.

If music is food for the barren soul,
Then let me fill it with songs of praise.

If melody heals the deepst wounds,
Then let my words be soothing balm.

I learnt that music help to change
Emotions within us.
Let music reach four ends of the earth,
For the world to hear.

Unknowns

2008-12-23T13:44:00.003+08:00

Jumbled feelings,
Trying my best to stay afloat.
I am sinking into a whirlpool
Of new experiences.

Not a bad thing,
I learnt quite a few things.
But tiring,
I seem not to balance well.

Inclined towards the negative side,
Suppression is worse than usual
But what to do?
Chin up and smile.

Fate//Destiny

2008-12-11T14:51:00.005+08:00

If nothing is coincidence
everything is inevitable,

Then what is the meaning
Of the life
we're given?

If life is fate
circumstances are destiny,

Then what is our role
In this place where
we're still breathing?

We are merely puppets
In the deft control
Of 'fate' and 'destiny'

Determine our time
We have
To live our life.

To stab us in the back
To cause sorrow
To those around us

Humans seemed to
lord over every living thing.
Yet, yet,
They cannot save themselves
From certain death.

How pathetic is
Our existence.
How fragile is
Our body.

Fate, Destiny,
take pity on us.
We are merely humans,
Scraping through our life,
Hoping a peaceful time
Please,
Do not bring disasters
Upon our heads
Suddenly.
Please
Do not force us to weep,
Over our losses
Ever...

Teenage

2008-12-06T15:21:00.002+08:00

Teenage years is going to pass,
But I feel I barely started
Pain and regret, silence and torment.
I've been though them.
But why haven't I
Experience the joy and happiness
Of teenhood?

I didn't feel the first rush of freedom,
The something everyone was talking about.
I feel so empty inside,
Lonely in the pursuit of my dreams.
I know I have caring friends surrounding me,
And family beside me,
Yet I feel so alone.

Sometimes I wonder if I was destined to be alone,
Though I know true love comes later in life.
But love isn't the thing I want,
Or coveted right now.
I want my youth, my right to live,
As I should as a teen
Regardless of who I am.

Maybe I outcasted myself, they say
But I disagree with all my heart.
I cannot force myself to fit in
In a group that is alien to me
That my entire entity fears
To be in.