Feeling depressed these few days, which hasn't happened in a very long while. Feeling very confused, and kinda heartbroken... I want to watch the movie with him and E, but I don't want to not go for freshie prac. Not that I want to, because I don't want to interact with people for the rest of the sem. I am breaking I guess? But mainly heartbroken. Making mistakes every other day, and generally expecting seniors' scolding and disappointments. I find myself in a state where I could just simply give up and let people talk. I am tired enough that I just wanna give up everything and just do whatever I want. To heck with anything else.

I just want to close two ears and pretend that everything is fine. I just want to pretend that everything is fine and dandy, and when he likes me and we actually have a relationship (or otherwise) rather than the pretentious one (I feel) we have now that I am trying my best to please without compromising my other stuff. Really, I am exhausted. And really, I am useless at freshie's batch anyway. :/

Maybe I should just give up. After gl'Mour. Like go back to the life that I've left behind and just stop dancing. Just playing the idea around in my head. Maybe I am just not good enough for anything. Or maybe I am just so tired and disappointed and overwhelmed. And I am starting to wonder do I even matter to anyone anymore. Because I am back to where I am started.