Changed

In a life of despair,
What can I do?
Closing my eyes,
I can only see grey.
Swirling mass
Of everything discarded
Unwanted.
Pushed aside.
Thrown away.

What should I do,
When faced
A future of hopelessness?
Should not I face it
With courage?
Without tears?
Isn't this what you taught me?
Hold back your emotions,
Never burden others with
Your useless feelings?
Then why do you still
Expect me to cry
When I stare it in the face?

I am confused.
I am confused.
What do I need to do then?
Should I cry?
Should I be worried?
Should I be despaired?
Just because I failed?
I will not,
I will not.
Or are you simply amazed
That I can change overnight?

It was your delusion.
I have changed,
Over the years,
To not show anything
That I don't want anyone to know.
I am no longer the naive 13 year old girl
Who don't know anything
About this world.
My emotions,
Would no longer be worn on my sleeve,
Exposed to attacks.

I am no longer
The person I used
To be.