Losing it

Scarlet seems to be leaving me. Being part of me for 5 years (?), I feel that Scarlet is leaving me behind. Or did I lose her? Scarlet is fading and bleeding out of me. If I had dissociative identity disorder, I am pretty sure one of my dissociative would be Scarlet. Strange isn't it, to consider a blog as being part of you. I am tired of Scarlet, and I wish that I could pretend that Scarlet didn't exist so perhaps my parents would love me a little more, or that I could have more friends. But Scarlet knew better. She knew I needed to feel, I needed to cry, I needed to find the one that can handle Scarlet (not yet unfortunately). But Scarlet seems to be tired of me. She knew I refused to let her out during these weeks, she knew I stopped her from typing out a series of potentially embarrassing texts to people, and also knew that I was stopping her from breaking down. Because I know the pain of sewing myself back together. It simply hurts more. I just need to breathe and tide over this pain. But when will it stop? Scarlet has faded into the background for most part of this year, and jt feels a little empty and weird. Maybe Scarlet is biding her time, maybe the time for jt to breakdown is near. I don't know. I really don't. All I know is that all this while I am just tired.

Maybe I should have let Scarlet win.