Conflict

Is it right to have conflict within the family, or is it better to stay silent and make no waves? I've asked this question countless times and I have yet to reach a conclusion. But I am seeing a clearer picture, conflicts are there, where you are pursuing them or not, and its only with the resolution of them that actually brings people closer together. I am praying, and seeking advice, whether I should trash this out with my parents one day during summer holidays.

When I was young, I used to think that my parents do not love me, and that my sister is being loved more than I am. Now I know that they DO love me, but I just don't feel loved. They are not speaking my love language and whatever I do they do not reciprocate in the way that I feel being loved. Sometimes knowing that you are loved and feel that you are loved are two separate issues.

I guess sometimes, I just wanted my parents to show their weaknesses to me, just tell me it's okay to feel hurt, and hug me close. Sometimes, I feel that my parents just don't bother to realize that I need their emotional support and know that I have to work things out for myself. I know that their wisdom is beyond me, and I know that they care about me and don't want to see me hurt, but I feel that I can't breathe. I need to cry and get hurt, to heal and to make my own decisions.

I don't want to be jaded, to only think that people are there to hurt me. I want to trust freely, to love them and to heal, whether its for myself or for others. Because being cynical and jaded does not encourage love and harmony, it only increases the degree of mistrust between people. I believe, if you are called to love, you should love with your entire heart, unconditionally, without judgement. Only then, people can see, the beauty of love. Only then people can see the captivating beauty of God. That is why Mother Theresa is remembered. She loved with her heart, and served with the heart of beauty and mercy.

But this is getting out of the point. I can't talk to my parents without my emotions getting involved (specifically crying) because they are people that are not emotional. Logic and self preservation are their main call. Leadership and performance are their talents. My heart is in what I do. My heart refuses to back from this so simply. But I also know that I have a duty towards them. To obey and honor. Its time like this , that I am really confused. But I promised myself, I wouldn't want my kids to feel this way, to feel that they should keep secrets from me..

But really, I am just too exhausted from it. Maybe I should wait a while before heading into another full blown battle.