Reflection (inspired by skipping-it.blogspot.com)

After reading yy's blog, I decided I am in need of a reflection in the middle of CAT class, haha.

Since a while ago, I decided that I didn't want to live with regrets. No matter what my choices are, I am going to move forward without looking back. But recently, a few things happened, and I have been looking back quite a bit; not all of them are pleasant memories. There were a few what-ifs, and a couple of I-shouldn't-have-done-thats, and a lot of whys. But there were also a lot of I-finally-understood-why-I'm-here-doing-this insights, which encouraged me.

But while yy is happily attached, I am standing on the cliff of uncertainty and doubt, wondering what I should do next. Whether it is schoolwork, cca, or any potential relationship, I am at a loss. I have been feeling really down due to CAT class, I just don't understand most of the content covered, and I feel myself giving up. For Ballare, I am questioning my dance ability and my passion, would I give up in the pursuit of mastery of ballroom dancing? I try to remember the first time I fell in love with dance, where it was my comfort and friend through my darkest time. I just try not to color it with competition results and rivalry. And I am once again sliding into the inferiority every time I like someone. Am I boring? Am I too much? I tortured myself over and over again everyday.

All of which just slide slowly into resignition. The resigned fact that I am still bearing the responsibility of service and that it needs to be on my highest priority no matter what happened. I am tired, I just want to close my eyes and wish everything away. But who knows what will happen in the future? Maybe after I hit rock bottom, what Sherie says will come soon.

The only way to go away from the bottom is up.