I'll skip the poems today and head straight to writing, haha, since the dark cloud invaded my routine this week. It is really funny when the happiest thing that happened made me all depressed. >_< I used to hate feeling really happy, because after the high I would inevitably crash straight back down. My emotions are way too extreme.

I've tried really had to stay cheerful, and not to spiral down anymore, but I guess it is only a little more than a facade. Well, it isn't exactly pretending, just that after each time I stop interacting with other people, I'll just feel a little more depressed than before. And I am just a teeny weeny bit confused about the way I feel... As if my feelings are wrong. Am trying really really hard to give my best to people, and trying very hard at the same time not to resent the fact that I am giving my best to people. Not exactly a very good example, haha. Still socially awkward, and I feel like I am leading a relatively boring life (as compared to others). Being a good daughter and having curfews is getting more and more difficult nowadays, especially since my will and responsibilities occasionally do clash with my parents' will. I don't resent them anymore though, and perhaps that is a step forward after so many years of struggle with them.

Today was a little unsettling, more than a bit really. A visiting pastor was talking about the lack of compassion in our churches today, and I admit that I am too guilty of that. I was too busy living my life to worry about the lives of others, and how I have turned my face away from the persecutions of Christians elsewhere. Would I be like Jonah? Who wrote the book of Jonah with nary a shield, of all his weaknesses and failure, mirrored so closely to our own. It is a humbling experience, and not at all an enjoyable one. ):

I am pretty much exhausted though, but as Jiayan put in, we will survive. But I also believe, we are more than conquerors, as much as I am tired, I know that everything that I do this sem, is all in God's hands. For God!